awak....!!!!

life a mess..wat we done to clean up the mess? or all that we did just add up to the mess?

hurm..im a mess and i can only feel so crystal clear when i see ur face, its like all the weight were lifted off my chest.

bottom line is..i missed u so much..

..i need u 2..

i've been wishing tat u wud understand me..darn it ur not ere with me, so im angry

i've been wishing tat ur ere with me..still ur so so very far away, and im angry again

i've been hoping i'll see u today..well, wat i'v shud said in ur dreams la wey then im still angry

and then suddenly u said u need me..dear cant u c i need u t0o..but u make my day coz im not angry anymore..i noe i got u..

saje je nk ke laut dulu..the truth is I need u to0..tu je nk ckp ;)

..burden..

my life
..is a burden
..is a mess
..is clueless
..is fucked up

but my life
..is not for u to bear
..is not for u to accept
..is not for u to abide
..is not for u to tolerate

...please...[part2]

hurm..last nite i felt like i've disappeared..
felt like i've vanished..
felt like i finally found peace..
but somehow..i've made people around me worried..
[sorry u guys..didnt meant to do tat..]
i just need my alone time..
need time to think..
need time to accept..
need time to figure.. how i really feel..
and somehow i never feel alone..
i guess i can feel u guys around me..ahahaha..bole?

please let me heal by myself..
i wont be self destructed..promise u tat!

please let me fly away..
n when i come back i'll be better..

please dun leave my side..
coz ur the reason for my tomorrow..

x0x0

dear..

dear..
do u noe how my heart look like rite now?
half of it is already with u..
a part of it is in thousand pieces..
n im picking it back one by one..slowly
but dear..
if u throw away the part that have already in ur hand rite now
then i am lost..
i'll be broken entirely
i wont survive..
and now..
its all in ur hand..

[cintamu]

Cintamu,
Yang kurasa walau tak terucap,
S'makin dalam
Cintamu,yang terukir di batas cintaku,
Selamanya

Tak pernah kumencoba,
Lepaskan cintamu walau sesaat,
Sejujurnya diriku terlalu sayang padamu
Kuingin s'lalu dalam,
Cintamu

Dan tiada yang kan memisahkan,
Selamanya
Cintamu,
Yang terlimpas, terbias matamu
S'lama ini

Adakah di hatimu,
Terbesit satu harapan untukku
Tuk berjanji selamanya kan selalu milikku

Satu cinta,
Tak pernah kumencoba,
Lepaskan cintamu walau sesaat,
Sejujurnya diriku terlalu sayang padamu
Kuingin s'lalu dalam,
Cintamu...

demn...!

its kinda late..n im still wide awake..
im thinkin to myself..will i survive this pain?
do i hv da strength to accept all this?
i've alwez tot im the bad ass..hahaha..
now it seems like ur screwing me..
n u noe wat..u 'kantoi' big time!
i nvr tot this day will come..had nvr xpected it
NEVER...!
and da pain u gave me..its just making me sicker..
no wonder all these while u acted
like i = doesnt matter..
like i = doesnt existed..
like u = didnt needed me..
all becoz u dun..really dun..

******sigh******

..fill in the blank..

Di sebalik kata ada rahsia
Di sebalik senyum ada makna
Kan kubisikkan padamu
Satu hari bila perlu
Saat pasti kau jadi milikku

Biarkanlah aku menanggung rindu
Biarkanlah engkau tiada tahu
Halus kasihku padamu
Zahirnya takku lihatkan
Hingga pasti kau jadi milikku

Entah bila bermula
Cinta yang tak kusangka
Mungkin terlalu lama
Sangsi asmara... terpedaya

Berlalulah masa tak sanggup ku menanti
Gelora di jiwa tak siapa mengerti
Siksanya menanggung rindu
Sukarnya memendam rasa... kekasih

..exactly h0w i feel..

Im sittin here
Thinkin b0ut

How im g0nna do with0ut

U ar0und in my life and h0w am I
I g0n' get by
I ain't g0t n0 days
Just l0nely nights
U want the truth
Well im n0t alright
Feel 0ut of place and 0ut 0f time
I think im g0nna l0se my mind
So tell me h0w U feel
Are U f0r real.....

new year reso...

so..today is 31st of Dec 2009, it will be 2010 in a couple of hours..n people hv been askin, wats ur new year resolution..i wonder hv i achieved tis year reso? wahahaha...i cant even remember..wah, bole? anyway, 2010 will be a very bZ year..im juggling work, study & love..adess, it gonna b difficult but im sure im gonna enjoy every moments..

aiyak..2010 im gonna b 25 y.o...da tua lar!! i sure hope by the time i reach 30 y.o i've already fin my studies..got my own place n attached t0 s0me0ne i L0ve..h0pefully. but all this is my long term g0als..this year?? hurm...

my 2010 reso:

1. loss an0ther 10kg..wahahaha..so i'll b smaller than my besfren, awien!!
2. find ways t0 manage my c0mplicated l0ve life..muahahaa..
3. find time f0r a great vacati0n <-- shud achieved this 1 by jun..i wan 2 g0 t0 pulau!!
4. Learn h0w to play b0wling..awien, help!!!
5. finish the harry potter books before the m0vie..hehe..

RE: pray for me..

Wow..its been a month (I think) since my last post. So the result of everything in the last post.. jeng jeng jeng!! :

1. Finally got my driving licence..i pass with flying colors, lol..

2. Didn’t went to work at USM..got a job at UiTM instead, interesting huh? And did manage to
get the pjj course..haha..finally able to continue my study. Hopefully I will get my degree in
3years time maximum and then I want to get my masters..huhu..its a long way to go!!

3. Didn’t get the UM post..(jd simpanan jer nyah!)

4. My B is very much happy and happy since I’ll be around here only..haha..

pray for me..

Hye..sorry I didn’t have the time to update things around me. Everything happened so fast and there are so many things ok..
The first 1 would be the new job that I got in USM penang..wahaha..its a good job with a good pay which will get better since the uni will be half government & half “swasta” so the pay definitely will get a lot better which I LOIKE!! But I just cant bear to be so far away from my dear friends and of course my ‘B’..who unfortunately became depressed since I got the offer. The offer is one year contract anyway..so I was planning to accept it since I don’t really have any real job right now..hehehe..
Then a week after I got 2 job interview..1 at UiTM, Shah Alam..the 2nd one at UM both for S27..huhuu..very happy. When to the interview finger crossed wishing that I would get the job and wont have to be far from everything I love here..just imagine if I accept the USM job, who’s gonna lepaking with me at Chilis? Who gonna go shopping with me? And after work what would I do? Watch tv? “korek idung” ? hahaha..last but not least who ganna go watch movie with me..?? what a dull life it would be? Damn..
Anyway..i think I have to be dull for a while. I don’t really have any choice if I didn’t get the job either the UiTM or UM. So everybody please pray for me..let me get a job somewhere nearer please..!!

The 2nd thing is I’m in a process to get my driving licence..Laugh if u want, I admit it..i’m going to be 24 years old and still didn’t get my driving license.. hehee..funny huh? All these time I have my own driver..my ‘B’, my best friend Awien n Pja..hehehe, so u c..i don’t really need to drive. But since I have this dream of having my own car (maybe I fall in love with the car), so I have to go & get my own licence..damn again..! my test day is on 29th May 2009..so again dear friends please pray for me..hukhukhuk..

true love..??

true love..does it really exist? i dunno..but i hope so..hehe..i'm sure most of us = women/men believe in true love. well, everybody have their very own version of true love which always end with happy ending right? will everyone have their happy ending? i wonder.. but when i looked around there's no such thing as happy ending. because eventhough u'd end up with the 1 person u wanna b with, there's always "something" happen in ur relationship after tat..its just how life is..or is it??

so wat do u call those who got to be with "the one"? i'll call them lucky, a very lucky person. for example, one of my fren end up marrying her high school sweet heart..but before tat she did go through hard time getting to know the hubby family and this very 'outgoing' fren of mine have to wear 'tudung' to tackle the hubby mom. my lucky fren..haha..God Bless both of u!

another questions is how wud u really noe u have found "the one"?from my own experiences, i'll say u'll never noe for sure..ahaha..bcos me, after a 6 years relationship..when i tot i knew everything bout my-x..it turn out to b the other way around..demn! so, is true love a gamble? u tell me..

and then what about the phrase people always said.."klu da jodoh x kemana" i think this quote came from a Malay movie isn't? do u really believe in 'jodoh'? dun ask me..i'm clueless..hahaa..

my real question is where does the idea true love came from? movies we watch? books we read? or from our fren? parents maybe? i dunno..for me i'll say its the movie fault..hehee...my example wud be "p/s-I love U"..huhu..nice..

owh..come on!

today 14th february 2009..valentine's day. i'm not 1 of those people who celebrate Vday, so i dont mind working today. but since i've been working here i think i've heard bad comment almost everyday & to make things worst my bos (which also my friend) keep telling me almost everyday all those comments. i mean come on...! i've only worked for two f***ing week (even though i enjoy my chitchat with awien) but those people have at least 2 comment per week...

"oh, she doesn't move around, she just sit there"..."she didn't clean the machines, it's dirty"...
come on...how am i suppost to move around when the gym itself is just two master bedroom size packed with machines (u know how big?) & of course people? and do i have to clean the machines everytime someone used it? come on...!!!

these people sometimes are just love to push people around them..they like to give instruction & love others to obbey them..frankly speaking i'll say "go to hell bitches!!" hahaaa...come on now..ur paying me an amount which i can easily get doubled outside..so live with it!! if they can pay me double then only i'll treat every each of them like they buy personal training from me..ahakz! ur paying an amount for some1 without any qualification & expect some1 with cert to do it? Come on...!!

Plus how do u expect me or anybody to talk to u when ur face is like monkey didnt get "pisang"? stupidity doesn't increases as u gets older aite? so,maybe they inherited it..genetically stupid,hehee..well, this what i'm gonna do. i'll find that bitch or bitches & i'll make they feel guilty...hurm..we'll c who will fall down n die.....i mean, COME oN!!

weekly Ritual

on my way home last night, i was thinking of having somekind of weekly ritual..never done this before, some people do the movie night or clubbing nite..i've enough movie & clubbing just not for me..hahaa
eventually, after my slow ride home i've decided to do "Reading Ritual" every saturday nite. nice huh? at least i'm improving my english..hahaa..(see teacher,i'm a good student).
so, for my so called "Reading Ritual" this week i gotta go find a new book.obviously i'm not gonna read the same book again..daa! on second thought i should start next week lar right..i dont have time to go buy books right now.so saturday night go buy books first then next week i'll start my "RR" lar..hehee..
the typical me..ahakz!

hola Dunia..

hye..World
im practising my english here,if not its gonna get worst..ahakz! sigh...
so..what happen these days to the World..what i would say is, we dont have enough LOVE baby..hahaa..true isnt? well, easy to say but harder to do..
for example..everyday on my way to work i have to stay calm on the road..easy to say.
enough said..